Catnip Crafts

I made these three cat toys out of old jeans, scraps, & catnip.

Hilarity ensued. After a long bout of being kept

from each other our cats are free to socialize again.

Keimon is now claw-less.

& Kiseki has made a full recovery

from her infected wounds & irritated eye.

Keimon wants to eat these toys

& Kiseki wants to snuggle with them.

They caught onto what I was doing,

or at least that it involved catnip,

& they were playing with them as soon as I was done making them.

I wish I could offer you my video of the shenanigans to follow...

Hopefully I can get it uploaded in the near future.

Nancy Elizabeth - Place to Shelter

I feel so far I have been reaching my goals of being more active & centered this year. Of course, we aren't even through a month yet, so we will see what happens.

I see that one of my friends has put up an article about meditating. I have been trying to find ways of meditating.

I do find writing to be a form of meditation, but I think it also performs a number of other functions that sometimes get in the way of its meditative qualities. I feel the same about cooking.

I only feel truly meditative when I am out in nature. I need to find some way of meditating when going out into a forest or beside a body of water is not an option.

I think folk music helps. So maybe I need to listen to nature tracks. As I understand it, that is one of the primary uses of such tracks, to relax.

I also plan to read about different forms of prayer and philosophies of prayer and make progress on thinking about where prayer might have a place in my life.

So really in addition to becoming more active socially, mentally, and physically... I want to re-find my faith. I want to have some set of "religious" type beliefs. Though, to be honest, I think the word religion is almost synonymous with corporation. I use corporations, and maybe promote a few, but ultimately I don't trust a single one of them. I feel the same about religion, and religious affiliations.

I want to find my own faith, even if that does sound a bit new age. I have always had new age leanings, methinks. And I have always fought against who I am.

That is what I worked on last year, not fighting who I am, and I made great progress. But I need to continue this. Being who I am bravely and boldly is the only way I can continue to add to the world my creativity and light. And adding that positive energy to the world is me acting on my faith, I know that much so far.

I mostly have been avoiding thoughts on the whole matter. At least conscious thoughts. I think I've been leaving it to a deeper level of my mind to turn over and revolve around and come down some path in.

I put so much into words. That which I have faith in cannot be put into words. But this is no excuse for not trying to figure out the words and methods for acting on my faith and explaining my faith to others. Explaining faith is not the same as explaining the gods.

Primarily, I think I am called to worship by living a richer and fuller life.

I am assuming for now, until I know otherwise, that this is all I get & I don't even get to know when it will be gone. I can't mess this up. This is my chance. This is my chance to maybe have free will.

Star-making

The ultimate weakness of violence is that it is a descending spiral,

begetting the very thing it seeks to destroy.

Instead of diminishing evil, it multiplies it.

Through violence you may murder the liar,

but you cannot murder the lie, nor establish the truth.

Through violence you may murder the hater,

but you do not murder hate.

In fact, violence merely increases hate.

So it goes.

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence,

adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness:

only light can do that.

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Recently, while in Ames, my husband and I picked up a few wooden stars at this fine shop. It amazes me every year, right after Christmas, how many stars are marked down 50 or even 75 percent. In honor of MLK I sewed four more out of some lovely fabric my mother-in-law gifted me.

This was also inspired by the friends we were visiting in Ames, who also had stars hanging from their ceiling.

I've been hearing many things about the stars of late. How our star-signs have changed. How new stars are made. Who knew? Green blobs of all things. It reminds me of a quote: "I tell you: one must still have chaos in oneself, to give birth to a dancing star. I tell you: you have still chaos in yourselves." -Nietzsche

And isn't that how we get through the winters, both the metaphorical ones and the real ones? Through star-gazing and making our own star-inspired light?

As for me, there is something wild deep-within that keeps me going when I am feeling dim-witted and dull.

Here are a few songs that bring me some light on these dark winter nights. Here & Here.

Freedom of Speech

Please listen to this enchanting song. And while you're at it, check out this fascinating system.

Today I am grateful that I can make words come out of my mouth. Today I am grateful that I am allowed to do so. That throughout my life, I had that right, even when I was (sometimes still am) too scared to use it.

I am grateful for the word "no" and "it" and "just" and "corazon" and "pithy" and "brindled" and "mother" and many more...

They feel good in my mouth and on my lips and in my throat.

Today I sound my barbaric yawp.

Today I read again (am always reading again) and I read for the first time... out loud.

For the Fun

Today I baked and frosted a sugar cookie replica of one of my favorite games. For those of you not in the know, this be Settlers of Catan.

Of course, midway through the project I discovered that somebody else had already done this (albeit with gingerbread) only better. Ah, well.

Also. My husband and I have been indulging in an episode of Fraggle Rock now and then for a while now. In one episode Doc decides to figure out how to sew a button on a fried egg, after rediscovering the thought in his diary.

He spends all day on this project and is rather miffed when his friend on the phone asks why. He's an inventor. That's why. Or as he puts it, "What do you mean why? I haven't even figured out how yet... well maybe to fasten it to the toast so it won't fall off. That's why!"

So in that spirit I intend to sew a button on a fried egg. Hopefully my eggs will turn out like this. And I intend to make cookie buttons. I'll probably just use cooking twine to sew them on.

Honestly, I think it has been a tough work week for my husband. I think this sugar cookie surprise will make him smile. That's why!

Also. Consider watching this amusing song from the same episode. He sings the opposite message later.

Snowy, Snowy, Snowy

It snowed most of the day, big fluffy flakes outside our ground-level windows.

I sorted and tidied my desk and my husband's desk. They were getting pretty sloppy. And now I have moved a few things that I used to keep on my desk, and I actually have a 8X10 workspace. Just big enough to keep notes...

Cleaned a few other rooms as well. Chicken bones steamed on the stove all day, simmering into what smells to be a delicious & hearty broth.

First day spent in the apartment alone in about a month. My brother is back to his final semester of undergrad.

It felt so snug & significant.

I listened to folk songs all day long.

Baked chicken Parmesan from some of the leftover chicken from yesterday's roast. Also, broiled some eggplant. Only ten minutes to a tasty treat!

Happy for the warmth & the light provided by the antique lamp. Decided I'd share pictures here. Enjoy!

Nessun Dorma

Woke up feeling like there needs to be more compassion in the world. Another shooting. This time in Arizona and the same stuff is being said on the forum as with the high school shooting in Omaha (which by the way happened at the school my sister teaches at).

People can't cope until they make everything distant. We want to blame someone. We want to make some kind of stand against this. We want to make all the real people involved in this tragedy nothing more than tropes of their former selves. The senator is just a senator in a sick story. The child is just a child. And the killer is just a nutjob. We could all get off so easily.

A few of my friends are up in arms about how political this is being made out to be. How people on both sides are blaming this killer for being from the other side. How sickening it is that we can't just understand that he was a crazy nutjob.

As if the flaw were in his logic or in his grasp on reality. He understood reality and the consequences of his actions enough to get a gun and kill people point blank. His logic may have been sick and twisted, but it isn't logic that makes a killer. It's lack of compassion, lack of love of life, plain and simple.

One of my friends went so far as to say that the response to the tragedy sickened him almost as much as the tragedy. That is how much this has become a distanced story rather than a reality. It's bullshit.

Hundreds of people who are outraged and traumatized enough by this event enough to practice their freedom of speech albeit in a haphazard way is actually somehow reassuring to me. Doesn't anybody else see it this way? Not my friend.

Somehow that practice of free correspondence by confused and sometimes very outspoken, but also honestly grieving and concerned citizens, can be compared to the point blank killing of innocent people? There's a leap in logic for you.

Logic will make fools of us all. It is a slippery little thing. But belief, specifically belief in the value of human life, downright compassion and empathy and feeling, would rarely let us kill. True feeling is what can save us from this mess. Seeing the situation as the situation it is. Seeing the killer as a f**king killer and not just another nutjob.

People are convinced that anyone who kills is crazy. I am convinced that many killers are too dependent upon logic and cold hard facts. Too many already see the taking of human lives as a logical way to raise attention for their sick causes.

That's another, and I would argue smaller, tragedy. He won. He isn't a killer, rather he's crazy to these people. And everybody is talking about what he wanted them to talk about. That's not craziness that led to these actions. That was passion for a cause rather than compassion for the people he was shooting. It was logic that failed here.

I am sick of logic being praised in this society. I am especially sick of emotion being suppressed. And I feel that the people on these forums are expressing genuine emotion, but they think they have to do it in these logical arguments against a specific evil.

Even I find myself turning this whole thing into a battle between logic and compassion versus the real tragedy it is.

I think that in the end the forum commentators I most agree with are the ones that state the obvious. This is a tragedy and all we can do is pray. What prayer means to each of us is different.

For me prayer is meditating on the reality of this situation in a state of empathy and trying to cope with it. To me the end thing I will take away from this is a renewed conviction that I need to spread forgiveness, peace, and (once again) compassion. For me I don't feel the need to blame anyone but the killer, and I definitely don't feel the need to excuse his actions in any way shape or form.

I don't know why I read all these comments. Probably because it is the perfect observation window into the human race. People judging people they never met, instead of coping with their own grief. I'm not saying I condone, but I do think it is a natural part of the grieving process.

It shows that in a world of increasing apathy these people care enough to spend some of their time talking about these issues with strangers.

Yeah, on one level people can be frustrating. But on another level this only shows that these people care and are trying their best to process and learn from these events. It's human. We need to not suppress our humanity. We need to embrace it. Or we'll have more and more tragedies caused by slightly unstable people, fed with faulty logic, and lacking a firm faith in the value of the human race.

Twenty-Eleven

I have rearranged every room in our cozy apartment, and made some improvement in the process.

One intricate brass antique lamp salvaged from my parents' basement storage room. It used to be a kerosene lamp but was converted some time ago to an electric lamp. It brings light to our living room.

The lamp that was in our living room, given to us by my husbands parents, is now in the game room. It's smaller orb of light encompasses the game table perfectly.

One new lamp from the Menards across the street, a bit masculine if you ask me, but both convenient and pleasant next to our bed. Also, my old childhood dresser, I painted it blue sometime in high school, is now in our bedroom. As well as some lovely fabric used for curtains!

All of the cupboards have been rearranged to accommodate my ever growing collection of dishes.

All is new and bright in our household.

2010 was a year of beginning. My hope a year ago was that 2010 would be a year of beginning my adult life. That I would reach out and become more brave. I had no idea how far I would come in this year. Looking back, from this perspective I can see that my hopes were realized. I have become more brave. I have learned how to budget and manage. I have writ pages and pages and pages. I have read and I have learned and I have seen more of the world. I have listened to a broader range of music, and found many more musical loves.

In many ways all I could hope for 2011 is that it would continue what I started in 2010. That should tell you how fully 2010 lived up to my expectations.

In 2011 I would like to put together a new body of poetry & make steps toward publishing a few. I have considered myself unworthy of publication in the past, even to the point of rejecting my own chapbook for self-publication, but that is full of silly fear and I can do better than that. This is my career. This is my job. And this pursuit is enough. This is how I choose to live my life.

My ultimate hope for 2011 is that I can be more active. Socially, physically, & mentally. But I also hope to temper this activity with genuine meditation and a calm center. It's a lot to hope for, but "faint heart never won fair lady" or something, something, optimism...

My Life as A Mermaid

"Riding the waves, this mermaid knows she can find her tranquility at the crest of a frothy wave."

So says Lisa Victoria on the back of the painting my good friends gave me for xmas. I love the optimism captured in this piece. And I love mermaids. And I love that Lisa Victoria illustrates children's books. Wouldn't you want her to illustrate yours?

Indeed, someone put it to me recently: why don't you write children's books. I do have an undying appreciation for them. The main reason I don't write such things, is I fear that I lack the illustrative powers that I think are so essential for a children's book. So if you would like to team up with me for such an adventure, consider yourself cordially invited.

On a side note, I think it's a shame that many stories and books are so dumbed down for children nowadays. For example, the Little Mermaid fell from Hans Christian Andersen's heavy-hitting, intricate, eloquent masterpiece to a simplified version of itself with a happy ending. Try this beginning on for size:

FAR out in the ocean, where the water is as blue as the prettiest cornflower, and as clear as crystal, it is very, very deep; so deep, indeed, that no cable could fathom it: many church steeples, piled one upon another, would not reach from the ground beneath to the surface of the water above. There dwell the Sea King and his subjects. We must not imagine that there is nothing at the bottom of the sea but bare yellow sand. No, indeed; the most singular flowers and plants grow there; the leaves and stems of which are so pliant, that the slightest agitation of the water causes them to stir as if they had life. Fishes, both large and small, glide between the branches, as birds fly among the trees here upon land. In the deepest spot of all, stands the castle of the Sea King. Its walls are built of coral, and the long, gothic windows are of the clearest amber. The roof is formed of shells, that open and close as the water flows over them. Their appearance is very beautiful, for in each lies a glittering pearl, which would be fit for the diadem of a queen.

And now. If you want to read more, find yourself here.

On an unrelated note. I had a dream, two nights since, where my husband and I were living in a giant shell. It was sort of a cross between Doctor Dolittle's pink snail, a nautilus, and an urchin. It was constantly changing, but we enjoyed the change. And incidentally, if you really want to see a shell-house look no further.

And because I could never tire of Laura Veirs and her many sea-songs, please enjoy!

New Year

All the roads lead back to home. Here I am. Happy again to start over.

(Are you getting tired of bees and honey yet? I'm not. And they just keep popping up everywhere. I didn't even realize they were in this song until after I posted it.)