Maybe Being A Bum Isn't For Me

So. I thought that if my husband got a raise I would be relieved. Apparently though, in addition to making me very proud & happy for him, it made me feel even more frustrated with my level of contribution to our team. The job issue, which has of course long been plaguing me, came out with full force. I must admit that despite some renewed hope & focus on Friday, I spent much of the weekend wrangling some angst concerning the whole thing. And after talking it up and down with a few individuals, especially my devoted husband, I generated some ideas.

1) I intend to sale things on the internets. First of all things that I make with my own two hands. I thought about Etsy, but after a bit of research I learned that your profit margins are slimmer on Etsy than on Ebay & they do less advertisement for you. A post to come soon about that, complete with some samplings of what you might find there. Dear readers, if you need holiday presents do consider buying some of my fare. I promise I will only be making things I am truly inspired to make, not producing for money. So... I guess you're guaranteed a little extra love in every stitch.

Also, I enjoy me some antique stores. I have actually trained my eyes a bit and can spot me a deal. I am therefore considering buying items and reselling them for a profit. Why not profit off of one man's junk being a treasure, and the fact that I can see that? Probably more occasional and incidental, but also a way of making some pocket change.

I realize neither of these routes will produce much income, but they will be a pleasure as well as a business. Also, since I have many scraps already saved up through the years & past few months, the handmade things will admittedly bring in an essentially 100% profit, which is never a bad thing.

2) Volunteer work in the meantime is more readily available and can sometimes lead directly or indirectly to further and more profitable employment. Besides. When my main beef with not having a job is that I feel like I am no longer an active part of society, problem is solved. In many arenas volunteer work will actually contribute more to society than a paying job, not less. After all, the monks & nuns & even beach bums who I am truly trying to emulate are those who are active in society's improvement in a myriad of ways.

3) My job search has not been focused in a long while. It seems, when you really want a job like I do, that trying for any old thing would be the expressway there. However. I think focus brings better organization and for me makes for a more pleasant job search. It provides me with more feeling of incentive, to know what genre of jobs I am scanning for and working toward. But then... there are so many choices.

So. I am narrowing my search for the time being to stores that I can get behind. Antique stores I frequent, and small bookstores, and independent bakeries. That sort of thing. I prefer hands on work where I am directly involved with getting the product physically to the customer. I would feel working for whatever wage for a business I truly supported would be more in line with my feeling of wanting to live a life of simplicity and beauty. The problem with these sorts of businesses is that I have found they do hire more infrequently, and tend to hire people they already know outside of the business. But I am confident that if I keep trying something is bound to open up in the scheme of things.

4) I am really embracing my job as housewife. I sort of talked about this on Friday, but I have some more to add. After reviewing my budget-system yesterday with a fine-tooth approach, I discovered that I am a successful accountant. I make us feel like we are living in relative luxury with a few wise purchases and nights out a month, when really our spending money is ridiculously slim. You can thank the cost of having a place to live, and paying off our student debt, for that.

Not only that, but of course I am the one who knows when every single bill is due. Insures that we will have the money available at the given time. Gives notice that it is time to make a payment. And we pay all of our bills in full & ahead of schedule.

My husband and I agree that to have to control and think of all that at the same time as working a highly involved office job full time would be quite unpleasant. He also never has to worry about the house being clean, or what to have for dinner, or even planning ahead for the weekend. I manage to balance that with giving him plenty of say in what we do or eat, through steady but non-urgent communication. I am essentially his events-coordinator, personal chef, & personal accountant all rolled in one. He reminds me regularly that it is this relatively behind-the-scenes work that makes his success & his enjoyment of that success possible.

In addition, to go back to an earlier point, I think that the benefit of one person being the housewife/husband is that she/he serves as a steward out into general society. Doing social works, or even just keeping social wheels turning, provides the couple with an offshoot of life that often goes ignored.

So this last point sounds to me like a whole lot of boasting. But my point is that I need to embrace the good I am already doing and step it up a notch. I need to feel good about myself if I am ever going to be able to gain the confidence to step out and live up to my ideals.